Wholeness

I recently had a conversation about wholeness of self. It lead to a discussion on what it means to be a whole person before entering into a relationship with a potential partner. I have some thoughts on this.

 So many of us enter into relationships looking for the "you complete me" sentiment ( thanks to Jerry Macguire). That was cute in the movie and yes, our hearts melted, but the reality is,  looking for someone to "complete" you is a train wreck waiting to happen.

This will be a harsh reality check for some.

The sentiment of that concept is not lost however. It's romantic and dreamy ….AND we need to be whole beings BEFORE the relationship.  Becoming a whole person for yourself allows you to then accept another into your life that will be a COMPLIMENT to you. Not to complete you.

So let's break this down .

What's best about you?

What are your values?

In examining  your life, what areas need attention? (Friendships, occupation, financial situation, home life, hobbies/passions, spirituality, contribution to the world, emotional life, family etc). If you examine your life, would you say that you are living fully in these areas? Most people would probably say no. So this is where you start. Look at what's lacking, what could be improved and what will bring you fulfillment in these areas. This is not to say you have to have "it all together",  as we are always growing, shifting and expanding; the idea here is to invest in yourself by giving attention to these areas rather than looking for your mate to make up for what's lacking in you. Only then can you (or should you) join with another (hopefully another whole person!) and create a life together with what you BOTH have to bring to the table!

If I was going to be in a relationship with someone,  they should be able to answer the questions "what are your values"? what is your vision for your life? what are your beliefs?

Other questions to ponder :

What do you have to give another person?

What would make someone spot you and say "that person is for me?"

The point here is, you need to become sure of the jewel you are, otherwise no one else will.

Let's get in the habit of thinking  to ourselves "What a wonderful person I am  - what a wonderful partner someone would have if they met me."

Now let's get to work!

The Process of Becoming

The truth is, we are an ever evolving people.  We are always on the path to becoming the best version of ourselves. Don't run from the call. Your assignment is to tend to the places, otherwise ignored or covered up and be curious about what there is to discover.

Change is not linear. It is a fluid process, not a one time event. An opportunity to lean in and relax amongst the chaos....be kind to yourself during the process.

Vulnerability..

This term continues to come up for me and resonate in my life in new ways.  For me being vulnerable means "showing up" in all your glory...the good/bad/and all else...

This doesn't mean doing so without fear but rather doing so in spite of fear. Showing up in your life completely, ready to participate in the fullness of what is presented to you day by day is my definition of vulnerability. What does it mean to you?

I Wish You Enough.....

Today we have a new opportunity to reflect on goals, dreams, mistakes made and lessons learned and to reevaluate course and direction. Today in particular I am most aware of the world we live in, the society in which we co-exist with another and the many opportune moments for connection. I am reminded of how precious time is and how every moment counts. With all of the attempts of the world to gather more things, aim higher, strive for greater; my wish on this day is just for enough. I wish enough for myself of the things that really matter ……and I wish you enough.

The whispers....

Lessons come to us in all forms. Over the last couple of months, I’ve noticed my lessons have been coming from all different directions. What I’ve realized is that they have always been there….the “whispers” of life. What happens when we don’t stop and listen to the whisper? Well…the whisper continues and becomes bigger and greater until you do. Life is a classroom and it is up to you to learn the lessons and make necessary changes. Change is unsettling and a little topsy -turvy but what I do know is that change will occur whether you are ready or not. You can ride out the storm or fight against the tide, either way…you will be tossed. 
A recent quote I have fallen in love with says “All movement brings risk of injury. Real transformation is not easy or painless.”

So my friends, with that in mind..how will you slow down to listen to the whisper and pay attention to the lessons?

Change

Change and transition is part of the cycle of life. When we resist change, we invite suffering. When we embrace change, lean into the discomfort and allow ourselves to be stretched, then and only then will we grow beyond our comfort zone.

What will you do the next time change comes? resist or lean in?

You Can ALWAYS Begin Again...

Ground zero. Starting from where you are......

It’s June! We are mid-year already! Soon we'll be raking leaves and shoveling snow (ok...I tend to think a bit far into the future:). It is true that we are at the halfway point of the year. For some, this is a time to enjoy, kick back and relax. For others, its a time to reflect on "New Year’s resolutions" or goals set and measure progress. However you choose to spend this month, it does represent renewal, new beginnings and time passing.....

In thinking about this, I realize most people have a tendency to look at things through the black/white lens, all or nothing, glass half empty type thinking. What if we looked at the glass as half full and every day, every moment, as a new opportunity to "begin again?"  This concept of beginning again may suggest starting over, but looking closer....it is really about just that...beginning again. My interpretation of that is "starting from where you are..." Don’t throw away progress made towards the goal. All isn’t lost. The glass is half full and there is room for shades of gray. Starting from where you are, means forgetting yesterday and what did or did not happen. Forgetting this morning's wickedly hectic crazy commute which caused you to be late for an important work meeting and....starting from where you are. In this, no matter what has happened, or not, before this present moment, it doesn’t matter, because you can simple start from here....

The Forgotten Body...

So I am obsessed with "Ted talks" and have included two of my favorites. Content is very different but the common theme is about not allowing shame to silence. One challenges the dogma that influences what society thinks a woman's body and appearance should be and look like, while the other challenges the stigma of mental illness and reluctance in asking for and seeking support. Both topics I am passionate about.

Recently I had a minor foot surgery (on both feet...not a great idea) and had an unexpected visceral reaction to the scars left behind. I can only describe it as a sense of sympathy and remorseful sadness for the thought of what my body had just endured (mind you, the scar was small...). So although my reaction was bigger than the circumstance, it caused me to think about the pain and suffering we put our bodies through for the sake of trying to meet and adhere to societal expectations; to assimilate, if you will. Instead of reverence, we have developed a deep unappreciation for the human body and the natural beauty it envelopes. I was gently reminded of the bodies’ amazing capacity to heal itself, under the right conditions, under the right circumstances. Although this video talks about the body from a size perspective, I think the principle is the same.  Find an appreciation for your body and know that human nature has a way of adjusting and correcting flaws in its very own natural way. If the body can heal itself, can we also heal our thinking and boldly challenge stereotypes?
Courageous beauty: Brittany Gibbons at TEDxBGSU ...

The second talk is about a young, talented comedian's once very private battle with depression. He discusses the consequences of keeping this secret and challenges the stigma around sharing such information, in an effort to challenge others in doing the same.

Confessions of a Depressed Comic --click below

https://www.ted.com/speakers/kevin_breel