I recently had a conversation about wholeness of self. It lead to a discussion on what it means to be a whole person before entering into a relationship with a potential partner. I have some thoughts on this.

 So many of us enter into relationships looking for the "you complete me" sentiment ( thanks to Jerry Macguire). That was cute in the movie and yes, our hearts melted, but the reality is,  looking for someone to "complete" you is a train wreck waiting to happen.

This will be a harsh reality check for some.

The sentiment of that concept is not lost however. It's romantic and dreamy ….AND we need to be whole beings BEFORE the relationship.  Becoming a whole person for yourself allows you to then accept another into your life that will be a COMPLIMENT to you. Not to complete you.

So let's break this down .

What's best about you?

What are your values?

In examining  your life, what areas need attention? (Friendships, occupation, financial situation, home life, hobbies/passions, spirituality, contribution to the world, emotional life, family etc). If you examine your life, would you say that you are living fully in these areas? Most people would probably say no. So this is where you start. Look at what's lacking, what could be improved and what will bring you fulfillment in these areas. This is not to say you have to have "it all together",  as we are always growing, shifting and expanding; the idea here is to invest in yourself by giving attention to these areas rather than looking for your mate to make up for what's lacking in you. Only then can you (or should you) join with another (hopefully another whole person!) and create a life together with what you BOTH have to bring to the table!

If I was going to be in a relationship with someone,  they should be able to answer the questions "what are your values"? what is your vision for your life? what are your beliefs?

Other questions to ponder :

What do you have to give another person?

What would make someone spot you and say "that person is for me?"

The point here is, you need to become sure of the jewel you are, otherwise no one else will.

Let's get in the habit of thinking  to ourselves "What a wonderful person I am  - what a wonderful partner someone would have if they met me."

Now let's get to work!

Posted on April 6, 2019 and filed under recovery, life.